you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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