check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
