I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
