Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
