How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
