i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
