I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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