Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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