I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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