first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
