if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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