She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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