Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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