You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
