Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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