i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
