my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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