last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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