Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Naked Twister starts at high noon
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
