could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
