I can text with my tongue
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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