Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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