Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
