Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
