i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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