in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
