Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We left an ass print on the piano.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
