i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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