Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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