i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
