i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
