Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
