i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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