saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
