Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.