I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
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she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
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Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame