I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
