the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
