piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
