i think my tv is drunk
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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