I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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