I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
