oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
