HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
