if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
