I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
