I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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