she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
