fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
