Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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