I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize