I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
