I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
meet me or not, i'm out of control
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
