I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
