Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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